This is the part of the site where the fine folks at home can have a look at this abomination I created for themselves. As it is still a work in progress, it will be available only as an e-book for the time being. At this point I’m still trying to figure out if people would actually pay money to read this shit, so this download is presently free of charge. It’s no big deal to me. This isn’t even the entire book anyway. Merely the complete first act. If the second act is good enough, I might just toss the first act. It might not even be called SILVER BROWN when it’s all finished. But this is a decent sampling as a sneak peak, so I’m just going to throw it out there and see what happens. The link below is the front gate to this world of my imagination (hint: it’s the book cover – click or tap that to download). By all means, you are free to bring your blowtorches and flaming bags of poop, just as long as you invite your friends.
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SILVER BROWN: A Forwarpendix
Part I: The Introduction of SILVER BROWN
Part II: The Birth of SILVER BROWN
Part III: The Long and the Short of SILVER BROWN
Part IV: The World of SILVER BROWN
Part V: The People of SILVER BROWN
Part VI: The War of SILVER BROWN
Part VII: The Language of SILVER BROWN
Part VIII: The Dashing Prince of SILVER BROWN
SILVER BROWN: A Novel
Part IX: The Complete First Act of SILVER BROWN
Part X: The Composer of SILVER BROWN
SILVER BROWN: A Blog
Part XI: The Journey of SILVER BROWN
Part XII: The Soundtrack of SILVER BROWN
Part XIII: The Bullhorn of SILVER BROWN
Part XIV: The Green Grass of SILVER BROWN
Part XV: The Zen of SILVER BROWN
7 thoughts on “Part IX: The Complete First Act of SILVER BROWN”
I’m kind of jumping in the middle here following your links, but I think I can start helping. I would love to come back and start from the beginning when I have time, but I’ll go ahead and review what I can see.
With a first person-journal format, which is what this seems to be, there’s not a whole lot of limits in terms of what could be considered correct or incorrect. I am interested in the story, you’ve done a great job with the pacing. The flow staggers a bit, I’ll pick out examples below, but with a journal it doesn’t detract from the appeal of the writing so it could totally remain the same. The biggest thing I’m noticing is the paragraphing. For my own work, whenever I start to see chunky paragraphs I try to find a way to break them up, even if that means adding material. Again, with a journal it’s free-form, however this specific aspect could easily intimidate readers and discourage them from ever picking the book up.
Flow: “Unfortunately, I found myself…” this sentence contains information that could be stated earlier, such as the character’s distaste for the skin prior to their selection. “Aunt Jennifer and I” I feel like this little bit of situation could go in front of the first paragraph, which will become easier if the paragraphs get broken up a bit as below.
Example spots where I suggest starting a new paragraph: Para1: “The only thing” Para2: “Extra beauty sleep”, “A change of skin” Para3: “I swear I’d died”, “I never ever”.
Basically between wrapping up an idea or an emotion and dipping into a new one, which you’re more than capable of doing. It’s easy to get carried away with expanding on ideas, I do it all the time, and sometimes I feel like I need to have big, academic-looking paragraphs for it to feel legit, but stories like these are picked up by people who are already invested in the idea of sitting down and giving them their attention. You can space it out and make it cozy.
I hope I have time to come back soon.
Thank you for thoughtful comments, kind sir.