SIGHTS

I Created an Oviform Monster

This is part of a science experiment I did for school. I was curious as to what the end product would taste like, so I cooked it up and ate it. In short, it was a culinary abomination. Had to slather the whole thing in generous amounts of salsa just to make it palatable. Smelled like roadkill as it cooked, and gave me a colossally bad gutache that lasted for the next twenty-four hours. The havoc it wreaked on my digestive tract admittedly didn’t ruin the Grey Cup for me as much as A.J. Ouellette’s touchdown in the fourth quarter. But still, it was bad enough to convince me that raspberry purée is a terrible thing to marinate an egg in.

It looked and tasted like a puddle of raspberry juice before I cooked it.

…but for whatever reason, marinating a different egg in blueberry purée (as opposed to raspberry) gave the end product the taste and consistency of yogurt. It was like eating a dairy product that never involved a cow. There were no subsequent violent rumblings in my intestines to boot.

I still think I’m gonna use HP Sauce if I ever try this experiment again.

The Journey of SILVER BROWN

Christmas In July

First dose.

Second dose.

Having been through this process as evidenced by the photographic display seen above, I deduce that the phrase Fauci ouchie is a misnomer. Not just because I’m Canadian, and hence slightly out of the good doctor’s jurisdiction (we have our own resident infectious disease expert who is likewise despised by certain alt-right whingebags for no good reason). Verily, there wasn’t much ouchie to speak of. That flu shot I got last November was actually way more painful than both COVID shots combined. Barely felt the needle go in either time. A slight tingly feeling in my arm for a day or so after each dose (not unlike something one would experience after getting a flu shot) was about the only physical assurance that I’d actually been injected with something.

Not one anti-vaxxer will give a speck of credence to the preceding paragraph. I’d bet the farm on that. But if Karen from Facebook is reading this, I got a question. Now that I’ve received the mark of the Beast, how do I go about activating my new satanic powers? I’m trying to harness the power of Mephistopheles to turn anything I want into crispy bacon using only my mind, but I can’t even get my eyes to do that thing where they glow red like the woodland Christmas critters off that old South Park episode…