FEELS

A Posthumous Kick in the Crotch

My grandfather was one of those angry Baptists. You probably know the type. The kind whose dogmas were concocted long ago in a cauldron of accumulated rage, secreted by a people bitterly resentful over the fact that they lost the war and can no longer legally own Black people as slaves. A brain seemingly composed of Chick Tract papier-mâché. With the characteristic (and obligatory) personal shitlist longer than the King James Bible, and a Jesus of unsullied Germanic European descent who spoke with rural Tennessee drawl and carried a Glock in one hand and a Chick-fil-A sandwich in the other.

In other words, he was one of these.

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, I learned that his former home and property on Vancouver Island had recently been purchased by some Catholic religious order, to be repurposed as a monastery. Catholics were not número uno on Grandpa’s shitlist (it doesn’t take much imagination to correctly guess who was), but they were definitely in the top ten somewhere. I found something instantly gratifying about the fact that a demographic he denounced as the Spawn of Satan are soon going to living at his old house and praying there. Serves him right for his lifetime of shameless over-the-top bigotry. The only thing that would top that was if the building was going to be converted to a Turkish bathhouse, or if the Catholic order that purchased it was this one…


FEELS

Um, Yeah. About That Mob of He-Karens Who Terrorized Ottawa

Consumer tastes have changed. The once-lucrative (and unfortunately tax-free) business of peddling anti-gay hysteria from the pulpit suddenly doesn’t fill those collection plates the way it used to. So it’s been replaced with anti-vaccine hysteria. Same rancid milk, different witch’s tit. There are probably other issues at play here* which I shan’t elaborate on, but that’s the crux of it.

P.S. This is your pastor underneath that Brooks Brothers suit.

* Remember those preppy guys you used to know from high school who “ruled” the school? You know, the ones who had this whole attitude that they didn’t have to work hard or put any kind of effort into life because they figured they could just coast by on their looks, charm and connections? Um, yeah.

The Zen of SILVER BROWN

Your #Pride Moment of Zen


“If you meet the Buddha, kill him.”

— traditional Zen koan, attributed to Linji

I think this Jehovah guy is nothing more than a cartoon supervillain from a poorly-written Bronze Age comic book who deserves about as much credit for creating the human race as Porky Pig deserves for inventing penicillin. My apologies to the fandom, but that’s just what I think. Such a trifle of an entity is most certainly no excuse to vilify an entire segment of the population. Especially when the whole motive for encouraging homophobia is the basest and shallowest one of all — the cha-ching*. Somebody along the way (who was probably a GOP fundraiser, although I don’t know that for sure) figured out that people put more money in the collection plates when they’re fearful and angry than they do when they’re at peace.**

* Little old ladies’ bank accounts aren’t as easy to suck dry in a Zoom meeting. Hence the repeated insistence upon in-person church services in the middle of a global pandemic.

** Frank Zappa was absolutely spot on. Tax the fuck out of ’em.


How could you hate this face?

I fully get that any successful† media franchise is bound to have its fair share of colourful fans. That’s just the way things roll. But there’s such a thing as overdoing it with the colourful fandom, methinks. Every Stanley Cup riot of my lifetime has invariably resulted in a busy night for the Vancouver†† Police Department. That ought to tell you something.

Let the record show that “successful” is not necessarily synonymous with “good”. Plenty of gawd-awful things have become successful. The average person could probably name five such things off the top of their head.

††The Vancouver Canucks organization contributes millions every year to British Columbia’s provincial coffers. It’s a no-brainer that promoting any kind of bigotry would have a negative effect on their business rather than a positive one. I’m also pretty sure they don’t have any secret graveyards hidden away somewhere, unless you count the one where they bury all their dead dreams of Stanley Cup glory. Despite the boorish behaviour of some of their fans and as much as they profoundly suck ass as a team, they’re still more respectable than any church.


Have you even TRIED decorating a gay wedding cake? Give it a whirl just once. Hell, you might even enjoy the experience.