SMELLS, SOUNDS

[Insert Punnily Clever Irish-Themed Title Here] #StPatricksDay

The last night I got rip-roarin’ slobbering drunk was the night of the most recent presidential election in a little-known country called America. Without elaborating on the details, somebody said something (apolitical) to me during the subsequent hangover that initiated a complete re-evaluation of my relationship with the sauce, in ways that years of addiction counselling could not. I shan’t repeat that message here, for there were a lot of razor blades and venom in those words that I can’t see being beneficial to your garden-variety drunkard (and besides, it wasn’t so much what was said but who said it). But it was just what I needed. Like the verbal equivalent of Buckley’s Original. Tastes awful, and it works.


Despite the fact that I don’t drink nearly as heavily as I used to, there’s still much to love about St. Patrick’s Day. All the festivity and jolliness of Christmas, minus the sanctimonious commentary about your personal life choices from hyperconservative relatives. In keeping with the spirit of the holiday, particularly its association with The Cause of (and Solution to) All of Life’s Problems, I give you a picture of my old bong that was made from a beer bottle. Her Majesty’s immediate predecessor. Destroyed accidentally one night. By an overzealous gamer. In a garage. In London. Which was unfortunately named after that English city. ☘🇮🇪

It’d be more Irish than this if stout glasses could be made into bongs. While it’s possible to fashion a Guinness can into a smoking implement, no respectable person over the age of fourteen would attempt such a thing.

The Green Grass of SILVER BROWN

All Hail Her Majesty, Future Queen of Canada

Prince Philip’s practically on his deathbed, and there’s that whole messy situation with Julie Payette to boot. So I thought this would be a good moment in history to present this video I spent my Sunday morning putting together instead of going to church. Incidentally, Her Majesty has been summoned from her royal winter storage quarters to give her opening address to the Vernal Parliament, and her speech was as smashing as always.


The Green Grass of SILVER BROWN

It’s Not Officially Winter Until…

That time of year has arrived when Her Majesty dons her royal bubblewrap and retires to her royal storage quarters until she is summoned to open the next session of Sunshine Parliament in March. Behold, her final public appearance of 2020, presented in spectacular GIF-o-Vision™.