The reigning queen of a certain galactic alliance in my universe, known only as Her Majesty, has retired to her royal winter storage quarters. She shall remain there for as long as outside temperatures are low enough to cause body parts to shrivel and bong water to freeze. Behold, a photographic portrait of Her Majesty, vested in her royal bubblewrap winter gown…
Her royal bowl is bubblewrapped separately.
I do not smoke at all during the three months out the year that Her Majesty is in recess. The lungs definitely appreciate having the time off. So this would be edible season for me. One of the great things about living in a country where legal cannabis shops are almost as common as liquor stores is that holiday-themed edibles are an actual thing. Like eggnog-flavoured chocolate…
Chocolate blueberry pancakes started out as just a concept that came to me one morning during a wake n’ bake. One I translated into a tangible product the following Sunday. (If you can dream it, you can do it?) The first batch turned out like this…
They were pretty good. The chocolate taste was detectable yet subtle. But some crazy part of me wanted more chocolate. So the next weekend I added an extra teaspoon of cocoa to the pancake cauldron, and a few handfuls of these things…
If Count Chocula had a nasty case of the runs, it would probably look like this.The maiden pancake in its early embryonic stage. I’m aware of how scatologically suggestive this picture is, so there’s no need to point it out to me. The finished product. It should be pointed out that accidentally making the pancakes extravagantly huge is one of the associated risks of doing this while high.
It was immediately apparent after the first couple of bites that there’s only so much chocolate one can put in pancake batter before the resultant product tastes more like a certain dessert than actual pancakes. I thought to myself: Gadzooks, am I eating chocolate cake for breakfast? Have I turned into one of those people?! The blueberries kicked in around Bite Number Three, instantly bringing my gastronomical chi back into balance and salvaging the whole experience from my nightmares. They didn’t overpower the chocolate flavour, opting instead to lurk in the background. Occasionally reminding me of what I was actually eating.
If the blueberry goodness was a character in this taste bud theatre, it’d be something like a benevolent version of Michael Myers.
These were actually way better-tasting as leftovers. Something about refrigerating them overnight restored the innate flapjackitude lost during the cooking process. Pancakes from the first bite, albeit weird-ass ones from another dimension. A dimension my stomach was pretty convinced was evil…
The next Sunday I nixed the cocoa entirely and only put in a small handful of chocolate chips. One of the pancakes from that batch looked at me funny…
I initially started SILVER BROWN as an art therapy project. The main reason I put it online was to fully test its potential to be anything beyond that. It was a worthwhile exercise as an art therapy project. As was putting it online. I drank a rich soup of vibes from the droppings of the Great Bird (i.e. Twitter) and professional input from a gaggle of fellow scribes, which provided me with vital nutrients to open my third eye and see that SILVER BROWN cannot continue in its present form as I originally planned. This story needs just a pinch of reconstructive surgery.
Before I expand on that further, let me drop a parable about burritos. This is one of a handful of things I know how to cook well. Learned entirely by observation, at a burrito joint I visited almost every business day at noon back when I had a supposedly glamourous job. Said joint famously lacked a barrier obstructing the patrons’ view of the kitchen, allowing for the visual spectacle of burrito wizards working their magic behind the scenes. Who taught me (almost) everything I know. About burritos, at least.
An original creation. Made with walleye caught from one of Ontario’s many lakes, which I breaded myself. Sweet Mary mother of Jabberwocky Jesus, that’s some damn good eats!
Part of the high art of making burritos is knowing how much filling one tortilla can handle. If you try to stuff too much in a single burrito, the whole thing is bound to split at the sides and fall apart sometime during the cooking process. A fictional world vastly different from the familiar is a lot like that burrito. There’s only so much you can put on a tortilla of a hundred thousand words. I initially set out to make SILVER BROWN less grandiose than any of my previous attempts to write a novel, but still found myself trying to stuff a trilogy’s worth of filling in that tortilla. More pre-planning was required for the project, methinks. Next time I mustn’t allow myself to become so distracted with the world in which the story is set that I forget to actually tell the story.
There are also questions swirling in my mind about whether there is still a public appetite for dystopian fiction, now that the present state of human society has taken on a dystopian air. The world humanity lived in when I first started working on SILVER BROWN has since molted. Its new instar bears a closer resemblance to the Environment of my story, in that it’s a world where technology and mass-ignorance has run amok. Hence I must ask myself: would people actually pay money to read this yarn I’m working on? Part of the reason why people read novels is for the escapism. They might be reluctant to read something that hits painfully too close to home. I could be dead wrong; the jury’s still out on that one. Black Mirror has temporarily ceased production because the producers thought it would be too depressing for people to watch in light of that microscopic Cthulhu coming along and ruining everything. Yet according to hard statistics, people are watching movies like Outbreak while they’re in quarantine.
Uncertainties about a potential audience don’t justify a literary facelift as much as the story’s heroine, however. Florys MacNab was subconsciously conceived as a satirical caricature of the vapidly callous materialism exhibited by more than a few people I met back in the day when I worked in one of Canada’s wealthiest neighbourhoods. There’s certainly a place for a character of this ilk in fiction, but in retrospect it was a mistake to make her the protagonist. I’m finding it next to impossible to root for somebody who values things over people, whose entire modus operandi revolves around acquiring and flaunting status symbols and making other people jealous. If I can’t root for that somebody, it’s unlikely my audience will be able to either.
This fictional world I’ve created demands a main character who is at least somewhat flexible and adaptable, who approaches novel phenomena with a certain level of curiosity. That’s not Florys. Florys is way too narrow-minded and hardheaded to be the main character. She would work better as a secondary character. One who repeatedly complicates things for the hero, and (probably) dies in the story’s third act for dramatic effect.
I guess I shouldn’t feel bad about things not working out this time around. As a certain wise man once said…
…but at least I’ve spent enough time wallowing in that shit that new vegetation can start growing on me. I was thinking about going with the same basic plot device, but with a completely different perspective, major characters reworked and fine-tuned (except Sherman, he’s perfect the way he is). Before I start germinating anything new on my ass however, I shall disperse the last of the current yield in the summer. The final chapters are the strangest in the whole book, so of course I’m going to tweet that shit.
Five and ¾ Senses 