I was going to go with a heavy metal musical theme for Valentine’s Day, like I did for Christmas. Alas, all attempts on my part to unearth a fist-pumpingly kickass metal cover of anything that could be considered a love song in any conventional sense have thus far proven fruitless. Unless Queensrÿche is your idea of kickass. They were in their own way; they had that metal-tinged Pink Floyd vibe going on. But a level of kickassitude more in the ballpark of Rammstein is closer to what I had in mind. No one’s ever thought to give one of Céline Dion’s signature numbers the Neue Deutsche Härte treatment, from the looks of it. So while we’re waiting for German to become the new language of love (“Wie liebe ich dich? Lass mich die Wege zählen…”), here’s a guy playing a bagpipe made out of a (hopefully used) condom.
Expanding on my last post about Christmas music, here are a small handful of tunes I think should be added to the regular rotation of Yuletide standards if they should happen to enter the public domain sometime before humanity becomes extinct. First, I give you a joyous and festive number celebrating the reason for the season. Which is axial tilt, of course.
This next song lyrically gives an interesting take on the traditional story of the Nativity. The notion that gods and angels are in fact extraterrestrials will no longer be considered fringe ideology after the next Enlightenment happens, I’m pretty sure of it.
Finally, a tune that will enter the public domain sooner than the others, because all these guys have since left us. At least the guys that made any significant contributions to the band’s songwriting output (Marky’s still around, but he was just the drummer). This rightfully should be a Yuletide standard on even par with anything Bing Crosby did. What’s not to love about the Ramones?
Like 99.999999999999999314159% of the human race, I can’t stand Christmas music. But a spoonful of metal helps the reindeer shit go down, in the most delightful way. Here’s a more interesting take on a certain Mariah Carey number:
A guy in a Santa costume rocking out? Yes, please…
They should play that shit in the malls, but of course they won’t. This next vid is not a holiday standard per se, but it does feature St. Nick’s Norwegian cousin wandering the streets of New York…
Here’s a couple of more traditional numbers given the symphonic power metal treatment…
…and here’s a tune that should be mandatory at every Christmas party, because Lemmy was a god who walked among men.
Finally, I leave you with a fairly straight cover of one of the more overtly religious Christmas standards performed by Rob Halford. Yes, that Rob Halford. The same Rob Halford who uptight reactionary parents used to accuse of being the siren of Satan way back in the day when all that cockamamie horseshit about backmasking was actually taken seriously (at one point there was even a whole legal case about it, which the reactionary parents thankfully lost). I don’t think it’s even scientifically possible for him to do anything that isn’t metal as fuck.